Relationships: How to Understand Your Parents?

Even after reading a list of 100 topics that I decided to post on my blog, I really could not make up my mind to write something. Was it a writer’s block or was it because I was snubbing a suggestion by a very good friend who wanted my help?

“Hey Manu, I am really glad to see your blog. You’re doing a great job. I truly request you to write something about ‘relationships’. I am going through a tough time and I need your help.”

Since the time I got this message, I have been clueless about what to write and where to start from. ‘Relationships’ isn’t a small topic and the fact that each situation needs to be addressed from different perspectives further smothered my spirit to write about relationship issues.

While I was trying to brush aside these topics I had written in my to-do list, she pinged me again telling about a story of a girl whose husband left her after a marriage of 8 years with 2 baby girls. Why? Because he says that he has found the love of his life through his extra marital affair.

I am sorry. I accept that I am still reluctant while talking about ‘relationships’. But this time I had to do it. I had to help my friends who are finding it too baffling to understand what their parents want from them.

I had to help my friends who don’t infer when they are being loved and when they are being ‘used’.

I had to help my friends interpret the language of the Indian Society, where everything or anything you do for yourself becomes a ‘social crime’ at some point.

The first issue related to ‘relationships’ that I would like to address, which is also the topic of this post, is “how to understand your parents”? But at first blush, I would like to discuss why do we need to understand our parents?

Why Do You Need to Understand Our Parents?

Our parents are veterans in life skills. They have been through much more than we can even imagine. Each one of us is aware of term called ‘generation gap’. I anticipate that each one of us have cited this word as a reason behind the daily tilts happening with our parents over trivial issues.

When was the last time you said, “Why don’t my parents understand me?” This phrase is very common amongst the youngsters, especially the college students.

Did you ever try to think that why should they be the only ones to understand you? Why can’t you understand them or are you too immature for sound apprehension?

I read a very nice quote:

“While complaining about your parents don’t forget that this is their first time too.”

No one taught them how to be good parents. No one taught them how to understand their children. Did it ever occur to you that they might be going through a same kind of problem? Even they might be trying to figure out how to understand you and see that little smile on your face which used to make their day when you were a toddler.

But wait! Why should you bother yourself with these questions? After all, you are a child. They are your parents and the ‘understanding’ part is their job, not yours.

Yes, that’s true but only if you agree that you are still too adolescent to introduce yourself to a concept called ‘understanding your parents.’

How to Understand Your Parents?

Warning: This isn’t going to be easy. Maybe you won’t even get what I say in this section but if you get even 20% of what I am going to say now and implement even the one tenth part of it in your life, I assure you that the oftenness of your question “why can’t they understand me” would decrease to a great extent.

The only tip I have for you which always works for me is ‘changing the shoes’. Just take off your shoes. Get out of your character and step into your parents’ shoes.

Or a better way is to imagine you as ‘parents’ and try making the same decisions under same circumstances. You would be watching your own future if you do this.

In fact, you would actually be making decisions for the things which are going to happen in your future. It seems very simple. Isn’t it?

If it had been so, I wouldn’t have had that warning before explaining this. There’s a situation when you are very angry and upset with your parents. Would you even consider ‘understanding’?

Then there is your soul which won’t allow you to forget even for a moment that you are not a ‘parent’. Then there is your ego which would be too confident that such things won’t happen when you would become a parent in reality.

Then there are the external factors, your love for your friends, your anima, your self- respect, and your infamy, all working in cooperation to make you believe that you are only the right one even when there is no one right and wrong in relationships.

Guys, parents are equally vulnerable as we are. They go through much more than we do in our day to day life. What we have is just friends, girlfriends/boyfriends, a few bullies and ‘enemies’.

What they handle are their  buggy colleagues, a completely insane boss, loopy relatives, long bills and financial issues needed to be address daily, and much more things which are as hostile to their emotional strength as their growing age is towards their physical strength.

In such a case, can’t we, the mature and prudent ones (according to us, of course) try to help these old aged people? Can’t we take a step towards ‘understanding’?

What do you think? Would you rather try understanding your parents and what goes on in their life or would you just be unmoved for you are not ready to immolate yourself for the people who brought you into this world?

At last, 5 things I want you to remember each time you get into an argument with your parents:

1. Do not expect them to be the wisest ones each time. They can make mistakes.
2. Do not blank yourself out while recollecting the sacrifices they made for you and the demands which they consummated even before you asked.
3. Do not forget there are other people who they need to take care of. Relatives!
4. Do not ignore that they have a life too and deserve to live it peacefully.
5. Do not forget that they are your parents and made you capable of thinking with your own mind.

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