Did you just finish your degree and got a good job? If you reside in India, your relatives are probably going crazy over finding you the right match. They think it’s the perfect time to get married and today I am going to cite a few reasons why it’s not!
By writing this post, I don’t want to offend my lovely friends who have already got married. In fact, I did feel jealous and sobbed over their marriage pictures. Why not? Those new dresses, incredible makeup, beautiful photos, and a publicly declared life partner…it’s all too awesome.
But what I believe is that awesomeness might end right away. And I do have friends who are the living proofs to back my words. I know it can get very burdening when someone is pushing you every day to get married and to have your Facebook timeline with marriage pictures of your friends. Here’s why you shouldn’t feel burdened and not marry right now!
You must take time to know the person you want to marry
Of course, if you have been in a relationship for years, you can skip this point. But for those of you who just fell in love or are going for arranged marriage, read carefully! First of all, if you think you just fell in love with a person, and that’s enough of a reason to get married, you’re just stupid.
Falling in love is one thing but spending the rest of your life with a person is a problem. For that, you must understand the good and bad sides of your life partner and learn to accept those. You must try to figure out if you can live together without any of you needing to change his/her personality in a drastic manner.
When it comes to arranged marriage, you should still take the time to see if the other person would be able to adjust to your lifestyle and personality. You should wait and talk about things to understand what kind of person he/she is.
Rushing these things would eventually lead to a life of regrets. Saying that it will result in a broken marriage would be wrong, but I can bet that you would think multiple times that you should’ve waited, not rushed it.
Are you financially secure?
Woah! That’s a big word. No one can be financially secure. Not completely. But consider if you will be able to support both of you. Do you have enough savings in case one of you loses a job, or you lose a job in case you’re going to be the sole breadwinner in the house? When you’re alone, you can live on a bag of chips. But you won’t be able to do that once you’re married.
You would automatically feel the sense of responsibility towards your spouse and ensure you have enough money to survive by yourself becomes necessary. I have seen people getting married while they’re still surviving on their “pocket money”. Agree on it or not, this will create differences between you and your spouse.
If you ask me, I would feel ashamed if I had to ask money from my parents after I get married; and so would my future husband. It’s just how I am raised. I like being independent and I don’t want that to be compromised once I get married.
Therefore, ensuring that I am financially secure and healthy is a must thing for me. What about you? Ask from your conscience. Is it a good idea to depend on your parents’ money for something as meagre as groceries once you get married? Is there a possibility that you will face such a situation if you get married right now? If yes, you know the answer!
Hassles of a married life
Let’s be real. In India, you don’t marry a person. You marry a family. You automatically become responsible for your spouse’s family. Currently, you might not bother to call your mother for weeks, but such behaviour towards your mother-in-law would have consequences.
Then other relatives who suddenly consider you as ‘real adults’… You’re automatically expected to stay in touch with them (which you wouldn’t have been doing if you’re single).
Then you have to make changes to your schedule, habits and preferences to adjust with your spouse. Do you want to compromise so much at the young age of your life? Do you want to do it right now?
Your personal pursuits
I know there are many examples out there where the spouse has supported a person so much. Some partners become the backbone of their partner’s professional success. But then some partners don’t. Some partners aren’t supportive enough.
In an arranged marriage, the risk of finding an unsupportive partner increases as you tie the knot when you don’t know a person that much. Even in love marriages, this can happen. Things change. People change. And if you have a slight doubt about whether you would be able to follow your passion after marriage or not, don’t think twice! Just don’t get married. Not right now. Let it wait!
You still need to figure out what you want
Most of the engineers that pass out in this country are clueless about what they want in their life. And I am sure the story wouldn’t be any different with other graduates or post graduates. While you’re tackling with this thing, your relatives and sometimes your parents keep burdening you to get married.
They have their reasons, but your reasons are more important than theirs. After all, it’s your life. You need time to figure out what you want to do with it. Marriage can wait and should wait.
Social stamp isn’t a good enough reason to get married
If you’re in a serious relationship for a while, chances are you’re thinking of getting married just for the sake of ‘social acceptance’. This is especially the case with girls who try to push their boyfriends to get married even when they don’t want it. Why? Because they don’t want people to talk about them!
General notion of Indian society still says that falling in love is bad. After all, we’re a set of hypocrites who celebrate love stories of Indian Gods as pure love and shun the present day love birds as enemies of Indian society and westernized animals!
Seriously! Why would you even get bothered by thoughts of such hypocrites? It’s your life. You’re not their assets which are supposed to act the way they want. You’re supposed to live with dignity while practising your rights given by Indian constitution and fighting for any kind injustice such stupid people try to impose on you. Be strong!
Marriage is a big step of your life, and you must go for it only if you’re totally ready. I wrote this because a lot of my friends are just confused on how to decide if they’re ready (and so am I). I hope these points would help them and you to figure out if you should marry right now or not! Do share what you think after reading this post. Waiting for your comments.